Did you ever look through your childhood diaries and, despite knowing the author was you as a 9-year-old, found yourself embarrassed? Yet there it is in colorful ink. Sophisticated bon mots they are not. “Bobby is such a dum dum i want to punch him.” Oh yes, what a deep thinker! Sheer poetry!
We often recall our pasts in the role of unreliable narrators — recalling experiences through our modern lens as opposed to who we were then. It’s something we only really appreciate when we get older and fully understand how much our outlook shifts over time through experience. It’s one of the reasons I can fully understand that I’ve been an asshole for much of the last ten years as I’ve struggled to crawl out of the hole I’d left myself in.
I hope I’m a better person now. More kind. More understanding. More calm and considerate. I’m not perfect, but I hope I’m better.
Facebook’s role
Facebook serves like those childhood diaries now. Always at the ready to remind me of what a dunce I could (can) be. The “Memories” feature pops up in the mornings. I get to see past stories and photos that I posted on that day in years past. Just to remind me what an idiot I used to be.
Understand, I’ve been on Facebook for a million years — from something like 2006 or 07 — the early days! Therefore, there’s a lot of crap that I’d REALLY RATHER NOT RECALL that might get dug up when “Memories” pops up in the morning.
A window right into the past
Sometimes “Memories” digs up BAD memories. Like when my dog died in 2011. It shows up every November to break my heart all over again. Like the time when I sold my house because I was going to lose it to taxes anyway. The porch was “under construction” because my friend Mr M had promised to help, and (as usual) left me hanging. So many tragedies.
Mostly though, “Memories” becomes something of a window into my past behavior and I think, “Damn! I was an ASSHOLE back then!” Shameful behavior. Selfish. Inconsiderate. I mean, nothing really blatantly horrible, just seemingly shallow stupid posts. I wouldn’t want to be friends with that person if I saw that stuff.
Is Facebook making us more or less mature?
Now I post a lot of memes and cat videos. I mean — maybe 10 years from now I’ll look back on those and think how ridiculous they are. But at least they aren’t mean. I try hard not to be offensive. I try not to overshare. (I overshare here instead!)
Maybe we are all simply more cognizant of what we post online now. At least I hope we are. I know I am. I try not to say anything on FB that I will regret later. I try not to be hateful toward individuals. I try not to stir up drama. I try not to be terribly extra about things.
But back then? EVERYTHING was extra. Posting stuff that’s nobody’s business. Exposing my thoughts about things — not taking a stand, just being stupid about stupid things.
Dumbassery on Display
One could argue it’s also a reminder of how much simpler things were just a handful of years ago. Before COVID. Before Murder Hornets.When the ending of a TV show could send a wave of freak-out throughout the FB universe. (Ending of “The Sopranos” anyone?)
I remember one of my FB friends used to post these amazing movie and TV reviews, so I tried my hand at critiquing as well. I sound like a snobby idiot and had the audacity to think everyone cared what I thought — hah! All these years later, 2020 me could give a rat’s ass about what 2009 me thought of the merits of “Avatar.” I’ve never seen it once since I saw it in the theater. And don’t want to.
Back when I had a lot of money, so showing off by announcing “OMG I just got my first Prada bag!” on FB somehow seemed like a good idea. Then daring to post I thought it was overpriced. The gall! I want to scream at 2009 me and say “Shut up you snobby pig! Nobody cares!!”
It wasn’t too long after that when I lost everything and hit bottom. That overpriced Prada bag was nothing but an ugly memory. What an idiot I was!
But there were good things.
Not everything was awful though. I always loved my dogs. I loved nature. I loved my gardens. Photos of friends — some of whom aren’t with us anymore. Some who are. Good times and parties with smiles. Successes. Those photos generally make me smile. I have a ton of online digital family photos that I wouldn’t have otherwise since everything was lost (including photo albums) when my storage pod was sold when I couldn’t pay for it anymore. It also provides some record for many of my successes which I posted somewhat ad nauseum.
So thank you Facebook memories for reminding me of the person I no longer wish to be, and the person I long to become.
“Sometimes I think I am the unreliable narrator of my own life. Sometimes I think we all are.”― Alice Feeney, “His & Hers“
Mad Margaret Diaries 
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